Decisions
Quinn’s Library by Jasmine L
Sully has an honest conversation with the children
about the future of his and Dr. Mike’s relationship.
Season 2 Episode 27
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“Love is a decision, it is a judgment, it is a promise.
If love were only a feeling, there would be no basis for the promise
to love each other forever. A feeling comes and it may go.
How can I judge that it will stay forever,
when my act does not involve judgment and decision.”
~ Erich Fromm
The children were seated at the dining table, doing nothing in specific. Michaela had gone out with David and they had no interest in that.
“Want some lunch?” Colleen offered, rising from her seat.
“No,” Brian sighed, lowering his head.
“Something wrong, Brian?” Matthew observed his brother’s odd demeanor.
The boy made no response.
A moment passed and then a knock at the door was heard, Matthew rose to answer it.
“Sully,” he was surprised.
“Hi, Sully!” Brain lit up.
“Hey kids,” he closed the door behind him. “Dr. Mike here?”
“No,” Colleen placed some sandwiches on the table.
“She’s with David,” Brian said in an annoyed tone.
Sully noticed the tone. In fact, he noticed the somber expressions on all their faces.
“Something wrong?” He slipped off his coat.
“No,” Matthew shrugged and sat back down.
As Sully took his seat, he looked at the children with disbelief.
“Well,” he leaned forward. “You don’t have to talk about it but if you wanted to…I’m here.”
“Why does she gotta see him anyway?” Brian spoke up. “She’s suppose to marry you!” He stood and kicked his chair.
Suddenly it all made sense.
“Brian,” Sully scooted closer to the boy.
Brian turned away from him and crossed his arms.
“I hate him,” Brian pouted.
Sully sighed and leaned forward.
“Do you think that’s really fair?”
Brian looked at him.
“I know how ya feel, Brian but…you gotta be fair.”
“What’s fair is Ma with you,” Brian looked at him. “You’re engaged.”
Sully sighed. Their engagement had been called off, that was clear. And Sully, as well as the children had to face the bitter truth that he may not be in the picture much longer.
“There’s something I wanna tell you kids,” he leaned forward.
As they looked at him, waiting, Sully’s heart broke, as he wondered if this was the last time he’d would join them.
“I know David is new and you all don’t really know him,” he began. “But you gotta…try and get along with him. Be fair. If Dr. Mike…” he paused and took in a deep breath. “If Dr. Mike loves David…that’s her choice.”
“But she’s suppose to love you,” Brian fought.
“Brian,” Sully sighed. “She’s gotta think about her whole life…not just the next few years. She’s gotta think about…who she wants to be with when…when she’s old. Marriage doesn’t last just a few years; it should be forever.”
Sully’s heart ached at his own words. The thought of Michaela not choosing him…
“One day,” he continued. “You’re gonna grow up and move away. Whose Dr. Mike gonna have?” He lifted his shoulders. “She’s gotta do what’s best for her.”
“Don’t you still love her?” Colleen looked at him.
Sully fell silent. More than anything in this world. More than his own life. He’d kill himself for her and he wanted to at the thought of not having her. He wanted to say all that but he kept his response simple.
“I’ll always love her,” they could see the pain in his eyes.
“But,” he swallowed hard. “I can’t make Dr. Mike choose me. She’s gotta let her heart do that. So just…promise me you’ll give David a chance. Be fair and try to accept him…”
Colleen and Matthew nodded.
“We’ll try,” Matthew sighed.
“There’s something else…” Sully spoke low. “Something I gotta say,” he stood and poked at the fire.
The children kept their eyes fixed on him.
Sully watched the flames as he began. He couldn’t bare to see their expressions.
“If Dr. Mike…if David stays here,” he changed his wording. “I won’t be.”
“What do you mean?” Matthew frowned.
“I won’t be staying here…in Colorado Springs.”
Their faces dropped with shock and sadness.
Sully glanced at them.
“I just want you to be prepared if…if I leave. And just remember what I said…please?”
Brian wiped his face and remained silent. Sully noticed, but didn’t say anything. Nothing he would say could make things better.
“Just know…I love you three.”
“Then why won’t you stay,” Brian looked up.
“Brian,” Sully sighed again. “That ain’t right. If Dr. Mike and David are together, I got no business being around.”
Brian fell silent again.
“In the meantime,” Sully cleared his throat and collected himself. “Someone’s gotta a bike to ride,” he said.
“What?”
“Don’t you wanna learn?” Sully’s eyes lit up.
“Really?”
“I said I’d teach ya, didn’t I?” he smiled.
Brian smiled as well. Sully always kept his promises.
“Now?”
“Yeah, let’s go,” Sully acted overly cheerful.
Brian stood and went through the back door, followed by Colleen. Sully was about to go out but stopped when Matthew touched his arm.
“You mean it?” He spoke low.
“What?”
“You might leave?”
Sully glanced downward.
“Matthew,” he fell silent for a minute. “I…I can’t stay if…I can’t.”
X X X X X
Sully walked away from the homestead. From Michaela and the children. Knowing Michaela had been out with David, he decided not to stay for supper, it would only confuse her more.
But Sully wasn’t confused. He was more than certain. He wanted Michaela. He wanted to marry her and build a life with her. To raise children with her and…
Stop. He had to stop himself. Stop thinking so far ahead. If Michaela wasn’t… if it wasn’t meant to be then…he had to let it go.
Once he was far enough out of sight, Sully sat on the ground. He laid his face in his hands and couldn’t help himself. He cried his heart out. His heart that was only full of love for Michaela. His heart that broke at the thought of her denying that love.
After a while, he composed himself and remained still and silent. He wished Cloud Dancing was here to confide in to help him.
But just like he had been most of his life, Sully was alone.
THE END
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